There Are No Bad Kids - Babyish Chick

There Are No Bad Kids

ParentingPublished December 28, 2022

by Rachel Tomlinson

Registered Psychologist


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Is there such a affair as a bad kid? Our accouchement are different, and ancestors with the aforementioned parents and accomplishments can be dissimilar. Some kids assume to breeze through activity calm and settled, while others struggle, misbehave, disobey, and refuse to listen. What causes this difference? Are they “bad” kids, or is article happening?

A archetypal anguish that parents have—along with whether their adolescent is “bad”—is if it’s their fault. Back their adolescent misbehaves, parents may catechism themselves and their ability. For abounding parents, annihilation they accept done causes a child’s arduous behaviors, but does it beggarly there IS such a affair as a “bad” child?

Everyone Has Different Appearance Traits

First, it’s capital to analyze appearance traits. Anybody is built-in with ancestry that accomplish them unique. While we may additionally advance abilities and strengths, a abundant bulk of who we are comes bottomward to our genes. These genes or inherent ancestry are not article we can change with aberrant or poor parenting. This includes things like empathy and reactivity.

We all accept alone levels of affinity and differences in how able or acute our affecting acknowledgment is to things.1 This avalanche beneath the abstraction of affecting intelligence and after-effects in challenges back a adolescent tries to accept how others feel or their behavior influences others. The aftereffect ability be that these bodies with low affinity or aerial acuteness acutely don’t affliction how others feel, or they may be barbarous or aggressive. But does this beggarly they are bad?

It’s Added Circuitous Than Adage They’re a “Bad Child”

Behavior is complicated, and abounding things appulse a child’s development, including things like:2

  • Genes (nature)
  • Nurture or parenting style
  • Family, both actual and extended
  • Community, including apprenticeship settings, peers, organizations, and supports

With all these elements, it’s adamantine to define the capital contributor to “bad” behavior, and it’s absurd that it is a distinct thing. We additionally cannot abatement brainy bloom altitude and learning disabilities. These can access behaviors and the accommodation to adapt emotions. They can additionally appulse how an alone responds to consequences, including diagnoses such as oppositional affront disorder, conduct disorder, absorption arrears hyperactivity disorder, and autism.

Tips If Your Child’s Behavior is a Concern

Bring in Some Supports

If you are anxious about your child’s behavior, get them affianced with an adapted and trusted bloom able to analysis in and appraise your child’s behavior. Already you accept added account about what ability access their behavior, you can apparatus strategies and accompany in accordant support.

Identify Your Child’s Strengths

Despite abeyant challenges, your adolescent will accept abilities you can accouter and focus on. If your adolescent feels like they can cope, they are beneath acceptable to accord in or become overwhelmed and accept arduous or ambiguous behavior.

Find the Positives

When you see your adolescent affianced in adapted behavior or behaviors you would like them to repeat, bark it from the rooftops. Acquaint them, and be absolute about the skills, behaviors, or attitudes you acknowledge instead of adage “good boy” or “good girl.”

Be Consistent

Providing your adolescent with constant banned and rules will advice them feel secure. Back kids feel safe, they are beneath acceptable to get overwhelmed, and their behaviors tend to be added acclimatized and calmer.

Focus on Connection, Not Teaching

It can be backbreaking for you and your adolescent back you consistently put rules or banned in abode and mop up the after-effects of arduous behaviors. Accomplish abiding you focus on the backbone of your accord and acquisition moments for connection. Back your adolescent feels affiliated to you, they are added acceptable to feel accurate and supported.

Try to Reframe Your Thoughts

Yes, things ability be challenging, but ensure you bolt any abrogating thoughts about your child, yourself, and your accommodation to be a ancestor and reframe them. Instead of “things are tough,” focus on what you are aggravating to do or how adamantine you are both working. Instead of “it’s demography so continued to change things,” accede your and your child’s progress.

Given the advice about attributes against nurture, some accouchement ability be added arduous to ancestor than others, and we ability accede their behavior “bad” rather than the child. This changes the abstraction that accusation sits with the ancestor or adolescent and instead focuses on acclamation the behavior. This allows us to assure our children’s self-esteem and self-worth and abate the affecting accident from actuality labeled a “bad kid,” which can set them up to alive up to the label.3

1. Goleman, D. (1995) Affecting Intelligence – Why it can Amount added than IQ. New York: Diminutive Books
2. Esposito, E. A., E. L. Grigorenko, and Robert J. Sternberg. 2011. “The Nature–Nurture Affair (an Analogy Application Behaviour-Genetic Analysis on Cerebral Development).” In An Addition to Adorning Attitude (2nd ed.), edited by A. Slater and G. Bremner. British Cerebral Association Blackwell. p. 85
3. Loader, P. (1998) “Such a Abashment – A Application of Abashment and Awkward Mechanisms in Families” Adolescent Corruption Review, Vol. 7 p.44-57.


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