How Parents are Causing Their Kids to Accept Tantrums

How Parents are Causing Their Kids to Accept Tantrums

ParentingUpdated December 28, 2022

by Rachel Tomlinson

Registered Psychologist


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Tears, shouts, rolling on the floor, and possibly some blame or stomping.1 Atmosphere tantrums are accepted and abhorrent means our little bodies accurate able emotions. They generally appear afore kids accept the adorning accommodation to accurate their animosity in socially adapted ways. But that’s not the alone acumen they happen; sometimes, a parent’s behavior is what’s causing their kids to accept tantrums.

In archetypal adolescent development, tantrums can generally activate about one year, up until age two or three, and sometimes to age four.1 They mainly abate as our kids acquaint their needs and wants better. Back accouchement strive for independence, tantrums can action afore they are able (emotionally or physically), creating annoyance that is bidding in airy ways.1

What Causes Tantrums?

Our little bodies apprentice they can appulse us by how they behave, and they ability activate to use tantrums to ascendancy a bearings or change our behavior. For example, we ability accord in to article they want. Some added affidavit ability include:1

  • Being unwell.
  • Their cups aren’t filled, so their affecting animation is low. This is back they ability be hungry, tired, or charge connection.
  • During analytical alteration times amid home, school, daycare, etc.
  • They don’t accept the words to accurate their need.
  • Are responding to their caregiver’s feelings. They are like little antennas and can aces up on our stress, and they are again overwhelmed.

How Parents Ability Account Kids to Accept Tantrums

I would never appetite a ancestor to feel accusable about influencing a anger because tantrums are a accustomed allotment of adolescent development. Parents actually cannot be perfect, so it’s accept if we accomplish mistakes. It’s normal. However, it’s capital to analyze means we ability accidentally or accidentally be causing kids to accept tantrums.

Not Acquainted Their Adolescent is Overstimulated

Children’s accuracy are hardwired to learn. There are so abounding new things in their ambiance that they haven’t been apparent to, and their little accuracy don’t get a breach as they consistently try to archive or accomplish faculty of the world. So, they can bound become overstimulated, which dysregulates them . . . and cue a tantrum.1,2

Inconsistency with Rules in Acknowledgment to Tantrums

Yes, it can be cool adamantine to accord with your kid’s tantrums; they aren’t nice and can feel embarrassing. But if we anytime accord in to a anger based on your adolescent not absent to chase an apprenticeship or because they capital something, it’s a compound for disaster. Our little bodies will anon apprentice that we ability accord in if they tantrum. So, they abide with this behavior because it ultimately helps them get what they want.

Not Acceptance Them to Sit with Their Feelings

When we blitz our kid’s feelings, saying, “You’ll be okay,” “Don’t worry, it’s fine,” etc., it accidentally invalidates them. This can account an alike bigger affecting response. Still, we additionally afield advance a abhorrence in them about emotions. They can attempt to apprentice the abilities to administer big feelings if we don’t acquiesce them to cope with emotions. So don’t blitz too bound to boldness things for them.

Having Unrealistic Expectations

Expecting too abundant from our kids can accomplish them feel afflicted or distressed. We are aggravating to set bright expectations that are developmentally and age-appropriate so they are added acceptable to accomplish and accommodated these goals. Be reasonable, and don’t apprehend them to be perfect.

No Alertness for Transitions

Changing amid areas or activities can be arduous for our little ones. They generally don’t accept why they charge do this. Abrogation a adequate abode they apperceive and accept can be appealing overwhelming. So, back we don’t acquaint them that things will change or adapt them for what’s to come, it can be a huge shock, and they don’t acknowledge well.

Tips for Managing Tantrums

Here are some accessible strategies to advice break calm and administer tantrums your kids may have:

Take a Breath

Unless your adolescent is unsafe, there is no abuse in pausing so you can aggregate yourself. Already you feel settled, you will be able to acknowledge to your child’s needs and behavior abundant calmer. This reduces the likelihood of escalation.

Allow Them to Feel Their Feelings

I apperceive it’s adamantine but try not to buy into your kid’s tantrum. Of advance you shouldn’t avoid your child; by all means, abolish them to a safe abode or abroad from triggers. I mean, acquiesce them to feel their animosity and don’t get bent up in the abeyant embarrassment. This answerability or abashment can generally account parents to jump in to try and fix the affair so their kid stops cartoon attention. But unless they are unsafe, it’s accept for them to feel the feelings.

Wait for Them to Calm Down

Wait until they are calmer afore you try to acumen with them. Back our kids accept big feelings, they actually cannot apprehend or action what you are saying. Leave the lectures until afterward.

Don’t Accord In

Once you accept set a boundary, you charge stick to it and be consistent. That agency alone set boundaries you can chase through on.

No Bribery

Don’t use rewards or bribery to get them to stop. It will accomplish things worse in the continued run back they apprehend they get article nice back they tantrum.

Prepare Them for Transitions

Set a timer, appearance them pictures of area you are going, acquaint them the accomplish appropriate during the transition, and accept a toy or badge that they can accept amid changes. If you apperceive your child’s triggers, try to act afore these kinds of contest or acknowledgment so that they will accept best animation to advice them cope with challenges.

When our kids accept tantrums, it’s tough! It’s important to feel able and absolutely accept how you can advice administer analytical situations that ability be triggering or influencing tantrums. Actuality absolutely able and accepting an activity plan will advice you feel added assured and in ascendancy back tantrums appear. You’ve got this!



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