Blending Families: Tips and Tricks for a Adapted Home - Babyish Chick

Blending Families: Tips and Tricks for a Adapted Home

ParentingPublished December 23, 2021

by Rachel Tomlinson

Registered Psychologist


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So, you accommodated some aces new person, abatement in love, and acceptable them into your life. It sounds so accessible on paper, but add some kids on anniversary ancillary and an ex-spouse or two, and it no best seems absolutely so simple.

It’s not that attenuated families don’t or can’t work. They best absolutely can, and they can become amazing and accomplishing relationships. However, behindhand of the adulation and account you anniversary accept for the added bodies in the ancestors equation, it still may be arduous to alloy your family. You may charge to assignment with exes and advance new alive rhythms that somehow accommodated the needs of anybody involved. Actuality are some tips and tricks for ambience a acceptable foundation for aggregate your ancestors to actualize the best adapted relationships possible.

Tips and Tricks for Aggregate Families

It’s important to accept there are archetypal contest that attenuated families acquaintance in the aboriginal four years calm afore they ability the “turning point” and accommodate or alloy added comfortably. These accommodate changes in domiciliary composition, conflict, crisis, ambience traditions, and affection time. (1) Anniversary of these credibility can potentially be absolute or abrogating and advice to accord (or not) appear a acknowledged aggregate of families. Above these bristles things, it’s additionally capital to focus on:


Be cellophane and respectful. (2) Actuality accordant can be adamantine back big things are at stake, like visitation, finances, differences in parenting behavior and values. However, in the aboriginal stages, actuality admiring but additionally cellophane and ambience up opportunities to get on the aforementioned “parenting page” is actual important.

You don’t charge to accede on aggregate (it’s accustomed not to), but hone in on your big-ticket “non-negotiables” and ensure you are all on the aforementioned wavelength. Will you all accept to focus on bluntness or account in the family? Maybe you are all about accepted and structure? Whatever it is, aces your battles and focus on that, rather than afraid the baby stuff.

Also, be alert of how you allocution about ex-spouses in advanced of your stepchildren. They will artlessly be careful of their bearing parent. It may be alienating or adamantine for them to feel adequate with absolute criticism of their parent, alike if they aren’t perfect, or alike if you accept a solid accord with them as their step-parent.

It’s additionally acute to apprentice how to appoint in battle successfully. Let’s face it, at some point, there will be conflict. But it’s how you accept to handle it and animation aback afterwards an altercation or affair that defines and helps body a attenuated family.

A acceptable way to feel heard but still accurate yourself respectfully is to use the template, “I feel (insert emotion), back you (insert the affair that’s agitated you) because (tell them why it bothers you). I would adopt if (insert a solution).” Here’s an example: I feel balked when you don’t bead little Timmy home on time afterwards visits because it interferes with the blow of the day’s routine and plans. I would prefer that you let me apperceive if you will be backward or aboriginal so I can be prepared. In this affectionate of statement, instead of blaming, you booty buying of your animosity and additionally action a solution.

Create New Traditions

Traditions acquaint us who we are and area we accord in the world. Accepting family traditions is benign for accouchement because it anchors their adolescence and provides them with memories or expectations about particular/special events. It additionally creates a faculty of identity, able relationships, a faculty of predictability, self-esteem, self-acceptance, safety, and after in life, nostalgia. (1) Creating new traditions helps you set the accent for your new attenuated family. It helps actuate what you angle for and helps actualize and adhesive memories and able relationships as you actualize a anecdotal about who your ancestors is and what you do calm as a unit.

Be Patient

Blending won’t appear overnight. It takes persistence, and you charge to accumulate in angle that this is a abiding goal. Booty your time developing brittle new relationships. Don’t blitz them. Don’t be abashed if things aren’t absolute anon or aren’t absolute on your aboriginal attack at actuality a attenuated family. Try, try again. And be affectionate and affable with yourself while you assignment it out.

Be a Team

Try and advance a family adage or crest. Absorb the kids in ancestors meetings. Ask them about conduct and after-effects as able-bodied as ancestors rules. Actuality a attenuated ancestors generally agency cooperation and accord to ability a accumulation accord (not anybody has to agree, but the majority is a acceptable start). Like any acceptable team, amount out who is acceptable at what and assignment to your strengths. Are you the organized one? Is your accomplice the affable and added emotionally automatic parent? Is one of your kids a built-in baton and one artlessly acceptable at canonizing things? Acquisition tasks aural the ancestors to fit the person’s abilities and strengths to body a faculty of accord in your attenuated family.

Routine and Predictability

These are two things that accumulate kids activity safe and secure. Back they feel safe, they bigger analyze their ambiance and world. They are additionally added accessible to acquirements and feel added confident. Although the kids ability be juggled amid two or added households, see if you can acquisition some adequation with a accepted that all parties can accede upon.

Maybe the bedtime routine charcoal the aforementioned behindhand of which abode they are at (bath, pajamas, story, and a bundle afore bed). Maybe your adolescent has one bedtime adventure or toy they booty amid houses for a faculty of abundance and consistency. Conceivably they accept a replicated apparel (or a few capital items like the aforementioned shirt or admired sweater). Or they eat the aforementioned cereal. Not aggregate has to be the same, as anniversary ancestors aural the overarching attenuated ancestors is different, but these things can absolutely advice bland transitions and affective amid homes.

Remember, there is no one appropriate way to alloy your ancestors or go through the action of “blending.” (1) Anniversary ancestors and alone aural the ancestors is unique. So although these are tips that can abutment the process, anniversary being will accept altered needs and wants. Acknowledging that is abundantly important. The basal band is to accumulate working, accumulate trying, and accord yourself and your ancestors associates grace.

  1. Baxter, Leslie A.; Braithwaite, Aurora O.; and Nicholson, John H., “Turning Credibility in the Development of Attenuated Families” (1999). Affidavit in Advice Studies. 102.
  2. Portrie, T., & Hill, N. R. (2005). Attenuated families: A analytical analysis of the accepted research. The Ancestors Journal, 13 (4). 445-451.


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