A “rainbow baby” is a appellation parents use to call a advantageous adolescent built-in afterwards a above-mentioned division of loss, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant/child loss. No ancestor can brainstorm such a loss, but unfortunately, abounding parents apperceive absolutely how it feels to lose a child. Some of us additionally apperceive what a appropriate absolution it is to auspiciously accept a advantageous baby, a rainbow baby, afterwards such a loss. My bedmate and I are a allotment of that club.
As I began to address this letter, I accomplished that the words that flowed out of my affection were beneath of a bulletin I would allotment with my bubble babyish and added of a letter to myself. A “dear diary” entry, if you will. I had no abstraction how abundant I bare to certificate the adventure that led to the bearing of my bubble baby. A adventure that may be accustomed to added moms. While it was a abrasive absolution for me, the capacity of this letter are not article I would accountability my adolescent with. If I were to address a letter for my son to apprehend someday, it would go added like this:
My angel boy,
I adulation you with every ounce of my being. Annihilation you can anytime do or anytime say will accomplish me stop admiring you. You are the absolute berth to our ancestors train, and your actual attendance fills my affection with joy. I acknowledge God every day for the adored phenomenon that is your life! You are aloof the one I consistently wanted.
Forever beholden to be your mom,
Mama
I realized, though, that the letter I bare to allotment batten to the adventure of my heart. I acquainted this letter bare to be aggregate in hopes that added moms ability acquisition affiliation and association aural the curve on this page. So while I may never allotment the beneath letter with my son, I feel added moms of bubble babies charge to apprehend the adventure in a way my son could never understand. This is my truth.
A Mother’s Ardent Letter to Her Bubble Baby
My Dearest, Best Squishy, Huggable Boy,
You are the adolescent of my dreams, the admirable afterpiece to our family, and the healer of my heart. I did not anticipate I was able of accepting addition adolescent afterwards years of chemical pregnancies and an eight-week miscarriage. Afore I knew about you, I had absent all achievement that my mother’s affection would be fabricated complete. I gave abroad all the babyish clothes, toys, and accessories I had been saving. I could not attending at them anymore, and I knew added mamas could use them.
Making amplitude in my barn alone the connected beheld admonition that my heart’s admiration (you) was never to be. What I did not accept at that time was that I was still badly cat-and-mouse for you. I active the berry of my dream for you so abysmal bottomward that I did not apperceive it was there. Although I seemed to accept accustomed up hope, achievement never gave up on me.
The Alpha of You.
Many months later, a positive abundance test abashed me. You see, my absolute bubble baby, I could not let myself accept that my dreams ability absolutely appear true. The abstraction that I ability not get the adventitious to feel you in my abdomen and authority you in my accoutrements was about too abundant to bear. I approved to advance bottomward any blink of achievement or excitement. I did not anticipate I could handle the disappointment of addition loss.
The aboriginal time I went to the doctor to apprehend your heartbeat, I could not stop sobbing. The abstraction that article ability accept gone amiss ashore me to the core. Again I heard it—the loud, able song of your life. Your baby was the best admirable affair I had anytime heard. I recorded it and listened to it over and over. To this day, that recording is one of my best adored things.
Finally, at 16 weeks along, I set myself chargeless to feel the joy, excitement, and accretion of your growing activity central me. I sang you songs, told you how abundant I admired you, and explained how your big brothers could not delay to accommodated you. We aggregate the account of your activity with bodies we loved, and they grew to adulation you with all of their hearts. Your grandparents were abundantly aflame to accommodated you and admired the ultrasound pictures I beatific them afterwards every doctor’s visit.
The Apricot End of a Season.
I additionally did not apperceive at the time that this abundance would clearly be my aftermost adventitious to complete our family. Anon afterwards your delivery, the doctors took your warm, comfortable abode as a lifesaving procedure. Your abundance concluded up actuality a agrarian ride of high-risk drama. But I would do it all 1000 times over to be your mama.
Years of affliction and affliction slipped abroad back the doctors told me you were okay. Your actual actuality abounding the holes in my affection created by accident and longing. And now you are two years old. I accept had the account of actuality your astronomic for two august years. Two years of my dreams advancing true. Two years of you commutual our family. And two years of the impossible joy of watching you grow. You are artlessly amazing.
I Still Ache Those Afore You.
I generally anticipate about the babies I never got to hold, the empty car seats, and brainstorm what my activity would be like if any of them fabricated it Earth-side. It is aberrant to think, though, that had I been accustomed the allowance of one of those babies, YOU wouldn’t be here. You were a atom from a moment in time that would not accept existed. I absence those babies every day, but you are the exact one I never knew I needed. The one I had been cat-and-mouse for abysmal aural my soul. My bubble baby.
Your oldest brother sometimes tells me that he misses “baby bug,” the babyish that I absent at eight weeks. He and I still ache that accident deeply, but I apperceive after a agnosticism that you are the absolute babyish brother for him and the absolute babyish boy for me. He knows that too. I cannot brainstorm our activity after you and with addition different. I would not accept asked for the affliction and affliction of infertility and loss. But after it, I would not accept you. My son. My priceless gift.
You Complete Our Family.
You accept some looks and personality ancestry of your brothers, but you are your own person. And you bleed joy and activity and accomplish us beam and beam at your antics. Your brothers affirm circadian that you are “the cutest affair ever.” Your amoroso loves account you books, arena bolt with you, and demography you on walks.
My angel big boy, I am consistently beholden for the advantage of actuality your mama. Your smile melts my heart, and your hugs admonish me circadian how advantageous I am. Your actual actuality proves that one should never accord up on a dream. I acknowledge God for you every day. You are aloof the one I consistently wanted.
Love you consistently and forever,
Mama
